Wikipedia:Peer review/Zaian War/archive1
Zaian War[edit]
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to take this to WP:MilHist A class review at some point. However it has been almost 4 years since I last put an article through A class (and then FAC) so I am probably a little out of touch with current requirements. User:Hchc2009 kindly provided a comprehensive review of this article for its GAN but I would like to request a further check, particularly of the prose and style, before I take this further.
Many thanks - Dumelow (talk) 10:06, 18 November 2012 (UTC)
- Comments from Nikkimaria
- Some of your reflinks aren't working - try using Ucucha's script to see the errors
- File:General_Lyautey-Pirou-img_3150.jpg, File:SenegalSoldats1914.jpg need US PD tags
- File:030Arab.jpg is tagged as lacking author info - if author is unknown, just put in "unknown"
- "three pincered attack" - is this correct, or do you mean "three-pronged pincer attack"?
- "his removal of Abdelhafid from power and his replacement by his brother Yusef" - not clear who the final "his" refers to
- "joined them on the 12 June"
- Spying a few missing hyphens, for example in "four battalion strong"
- As far as I can tell, the Guigou River (redlinked in this article) is actually the same as the Sebou River
- goumiers or Goumiers or Goums?
- Provide imperial values for metric measures, possibly by {{convert}}
- "Lyautey became disillusioned with French tactics in Europe and the disunity between the allies and engineered his own downfall and resignation in March 1917 and returned to Morocco by the end of May" - too many "ands"
- "though the Summer of 1918" - why the caps?
- Be consistent in whether you include locations for books. Nikkimaria (talk) 23:46, 1 December 2012 (UTC)
Comments - Dank (push to talk)
- "held onto": held on to. "onto" implies movement, per Chicago (Chapter 5, which generally warns of differences from BritEng usage); "he jumped onto the platform".
- "Almost immediately upon taking up his post": Consider whether "Upon taking up his post" or "Immediately upon taking up his post" would work for you.
- "Mangin's men were highly successful, rescuing the captives and inflicting heavy casualties on vastly superior numbers of tribesmen for the loss of two men killed and 23 wounded. Many tribes, however, remained opposed to French rule.": We've had some opposes over liberal use of "however" recently at FAC. I'm not sure what the "however" means here ... it makes sense to me that the tribes were opposed to French rule, under the circumstances.
- "Said was an old man who was held in good standing by tribesmen across the region and had formerly been a caïd for the Moroccan government, even serving in the army of Sultan Abdelaziz against a pretender at Taza in 1904, despite initially being open to negotiations with the French pressure from pro-war chiefs had dissuaded him.": ?
- Perhaps a full stop after 1904 and a comma after French? - Dank (push to talk)
- "being described by French officer": described by French officer
- For the next two, WP:PLUSING may be helpful:
- "with little success, the majority of the tribes in the confederation remaining opposed to French rule.": with little success, and the majority of the tribes in the confederation remained opposed to French rule.
- "with Said raiding the French outpost": after Said raided ...
- "This resulted": Generally, look for ways to rewrite "this resulted". If the thing immediately preceding was the cause, then "resulting" usually works; if it wasn't the cause, then "this" is a dangler; see WP:Checklist#danglers.
- "Having failed to make any impression on the Zaian through negotiation in May 1914 Lyautey": comma before "Lyautey"
- I got down to Zaian War#Khenifra campaign. - Dank (push to talk) 01:58, 3 December 2012 (UTC)